The 3 day Dust It Off Blog Hop starts today, hosted by Cortney Pearson and Theresa Paulo. Check out their web sites for more information, the rules and to find the other participants.The first part of Dust it off is to give a 1-2 sentence pitch. After hours of struggling here is what I've come up with. I still think it needs work but I'm not sure what to do. Any suggestions would be appreciated. Thanks!
The Falcon Prince
Paranormal Romance
25,000 words
Revised 5/8/12
Arman, the falcon prince, didn’t want to bring Kaitlyn into his world of war and magic, but there was no choice when he had to save her from a group of shape-changing black birds. Having Kaitlyn so close has only increased his attraction for the woman who unknowingly bonded them as soul-mates so many years ago. Now he needs to protect her from his enemy, the Sky Lord Cyrus who is using women to gain power. But will keeping her safe mean sacrificing his only chance at love?
The Basic Synopsis:
While on a hike in the Ozarks Kaitlyn is saved by Arman from a group of shape-changing blackbirds. They were trying to take her to the Sky Lord Cyrus who is using women to gain power. Kaitlyn doesn't realize that she had saved Arman years ago by mysteriously healing him in his falcon form. By saving him she created a life-bond with Arman who had been keeping away from her to avoid strengthening the connection. Now they are together and unable to resist their developing attraction. Kaitlyn experiences the beginnings of a transformation of her own, and Arman feels that he must try to keep her away from his dangerous world and safe from Cyrus.
Phew!
Any help at all would be great. Thanks for your thoughts!
Interesting! Sounds like a good story!
ReplyDeleteThanks Cortney! I liked the sound of your story as well.
DeleteAndrea
Isn't that always the way? The man thinks he has to stay away to protect the woman. The "transformation" sounds intriguing.
ReplyDeleteHaha, so true. I'm glad you think the transformation sounded intriquing, hopefully it is just as interesting in the book :)
DeleteAndrea
Awesome! This is a good pitch, well done :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Laura, I enjoyed reading your pitch as well. Great job! :)
DeleteI like the idea of shape-changing blackbirds. Scary.
ReplyDeleteIf you are looking for some advice, I would say to keep the pitch in just one POV, even if the story is written back and forth between them. :) (That's the advice I've gotten anyway.)
Thanks! I have no idea how I came up with it, but it has been fun. Thanks for the suggestion as well I will take you up on it :)
DeleteInteresting pitch. Nice job.
ReplyDeleteThanks I enjoyed your pitch as well! Great job :)
DeleteI really like it!!! Well done! :) I think my only advice would be to switch the opening to "Arman, the falcon prince" so you begin with his beautiful name. :)
ReplyDeleteNice job on the two-sentence and dust-jacket style synopses...I know these are really hard work!
Thank you for your thoughts and advice! I am going to make that change to the pitch. This was very hard to do but good practice!
DeleteI don't read much fantasy or romance, but I'd read this. I wished there was more about the shape-shifting in the pitch, though. Without reading the longer blurb, I wasn't sure why he was called the falcon prince or what kind of transformation she was going through.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to read the sample. :)
Thanks Avery, I appreciate your honest feedback! :)
DeleteI also enjoyed reading your pitch as well.
Andrea
I would call this paranormal romance, or if you don't want to use the paranormal word, urban fantasy romance. Your pitch sounds fantastic. The Ozarks are gorgeous. I could imagine what secrets the mountains keep.
ReplyDeleteThank you Christine, you are so right. It is a paranormal romance, duh!! :) hehehe. I love the Ozarks myself, its a very romantic and magical place. I had my honeymoon there.
DeleteAndrea
Oh my God, I love this! Want a beta-reader? LOL I'm serious!
ReplyDeleteAs for the pitch ... I just think you should add that he had no choice but saving her (when she was attacked by the blackbirds) and that was what brought her to his life ...
Other than that, it's GREAT!
Thank you so much for the nice comments! And for your advice as well. Glad to hear that it sounds good. yay!
DeleteAndrea
I'm a total sucker for a good romance and I'm totally curious about this burgeoning transformation. I would definitely read this. Looking forward to your excerpt!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much!! I hope you like the excerpt as well :)
DeleteSounds like such a well thought-out story! Very fun. And new follower! ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you picked up on that. My goal was to make a fun, action-y, romantic romp! Thanks for following, yay!
DeleteAndrea
Awesome pitch!
ReplyDeleteThanks so much Jaycee :)
DeleteHey Andrea, I gave you a little mention on my blog today. Thanks for your first line writing prompts earlier in the week.
ReplyDeleteLiza@MiddlePassages
I read what you posted and it is amazing! Thank you for trying it out and for the mention :)
DeleteAndrea
I do love challenges in romance. =) Sounds great.
ReplyDeleteMe too. the more tormented the better if you ask me, hehehe. Thanks!
DeleteAndrea