Writing is a Joy

As a  teenager I started writing in diaries. While life spun around me like a whirlwind, writing was my calm center. I also wrote poems to express my feelings. It was fun to discover words that described my heart, and shape them on the page.

Writing, in and of itself was a joy.

So… when did it become such an agony?

For me, it was in my late twenties when I decided to write novels. When I wanted to become published. Still do!

The self-critic got to me. I became discouraged by my sloppy amateurish work. I would write a rough draft and determine it wasn’t good enough for any eyes to look upon, lest they go blind. I still enjoyed writing, creating my own dream-worlds, but editing scared me to death. The fear of failure overwhelmed me. So, I would just write another story – hoping my rough drafts would magically become better.

I knew that if I were to ever actually finish a story I had to battle my demons of criticism, and do the grunt work of making the story better. Without giving up or getting down on myself (too much). I got help from a trusted friend who guided me on where I could improve. I decided to only focus on editing one chapter at a time so I wouldn’t feel so overwhelmed. Then I forced myself to get to the work of editing. It was very painful.

On Sunday, I was in the process of combing through my story when I realized something. Editing wasn’t so horrible anymore. In fact I was actually kind of enjoying it. I was in the zone..the editing zone! Slowly, but surely the work was being molded. I was making it better, watching it grow and blossom. It even sounded, dare I say.. like a real live novel.  I think I am finally coming to terms with this process. Writing has its moments of agony, but I can work past them.

Joy can be found in every season.